A Journal Entry

Mike Martello crossed over last night. He had just begun to improve at the hospital. Things were really looking up, he had been moved home. Then…

Yesterday’s sequence of events:

After being notified that Mike was having problems, I prayed and was led to work on a card for him and Pam. I looked for a flower picture. Instead, I found and chose a humming bird/rainbow picture!

This is kinda strange. Singing a rainbow? A hummingbird?

Mike experienced cardiac arrest and they headed back to the hospital.

This happens “all the time” and the ER people get the heart going again, right?

So I settled in to keep praying for Mike, in faith,

yet peculiarly cognizant of, receptive to,

“Thy Will be done.”


I completed the Rainbow-Promise card but felt led to hold back on sending it.

It didn’t feel right, a question of timing and sensitivity.


In preparation for prayer and meditation for them, I lit a candle

—the only light in the room—and with heart more than mind,

I experienced the little light of the candle to be an extension of Mike’s light, life, and breath.

I was keeping watch, standing guard as though I were next to the hospital bed.

I settled in to focus on prayer/meditation for Mike

for as long as I felt led to do so; all night if necessary;

every once in a while peeking at the light of the candle to see how Mike is doing.

Is the light flickering, steady?

It was all so very weird!

Totally out of character for me.

Never have done anything like this in my life!!!!


For some reason, I stopped the prayer vigil around 12:30.

What’s wrong with me?

Where’s my persistence?

Wasn’t I going to continue all night if necessary?

So much for my dedication!”


Of all things, I fixed myself an egg sandwich!

This is crazy! Why am I doing this? I’m not even hungry!


Soon, I began to feel nauseous. (The lateness of the egg sandwich?)

And it didn’t go away.

After a couple tries, I purposefully lost the contents of undigested food.

It was not the egg, but an earlier meal of leftover salad.

This is getting stranger all the time!

Could it possibly be that, at soul level, I was suffering vicariously

with Pam and Mike?

I walked over to the computer (now 2:30a.m.).

I found that Lora had sent us the message that they gave up trying to resuscitate Mike around 12:30 and Pam would be going home shortly after that.

Minutes later, I went to the computer to find out when Lora had sent the message.

It was at 2:30, close to the exact moment I’d gone to check for messages!


That clinched it! This had been a most unusual day. No question about it.

There was a “tuned-in” feel to everything all day long.

What had created it?


I am convinced it is the closeness, the oneness that has developed within the Core Team members as a result of the daily group prayer and meditation period, at least, certainly in my case. Over time, I have developed a closeness with Pam but I didn’t even know Mike that well!


The absolute clincher?

The day before, I was reading from the 262 readings

in preparation for our SFG group.

I read, “The Lord Thy God Is One”

and ran across a statement that struck me like lightning.

Q-What is meant by “The first shall be last, and the last shall be first?”

A-(words to the effect of) Death is the beginning, and birth is the ending.


So, Happy Beginning; your real birth-day, Mike!

We celebrate you.

Peace, joy, and God’s blessings be with you!



Yet another clincher…

Having wondered about my choice of pictures for their card, we all know that rainbows are God’s promise to man and that’s what attracted me to it, but what about the humming bird?


This is what I found online:

…the humming bird encourages us to keep a “...lightness of being... lift up negativity wherever it creeps in and express love more fully in daily endeavors. This fascinating bird is capable of the most amazing feats despite its small size, such as traveling great distances or being able to fly backwards. By affinity with the hummingbird, those who have this bird as totem may be encouraged to develop their adaptability and resiliency while keeping a playful and optimistic outlook.”


Not a bad message, I’d say, for someone who has just lost a loved one. Come to think of it, that’s exactly the way it was for me right after Gordon crossed over: an incredible lightness of being, led to spread joy and express love more fully in daily endeavors, plus resiliency and an incredibly optimistic outlook.


I’m Singin’ a Rainbow!

I can sing a rainbow!

Sing a rainbow!

Sing a rainbow too!


Listen with your eyes!

Listen with your ears and sing everything you see!

You can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow

Sing along with me.


Margrethe Johnson has been an A.R.E. member for about 50 years, much of that time as a volunteer in Florida and more recently as a member of the A.R.E. Southeast Region Core Team. She has an abiding interest in dreams, meditation and SFG study group work.